Monday, February 20, 2012

Workout Video

Workouts with April :) Shewie

Sunday, January 29, 2012

She Took a Long Breath and she was gone

Home finally from what seemed to be a very long journey. I don't understand what just happened. I thought if i stood there by her side that i would be able to see the angels come for her but it was not powerful in any way. She took a long breath and pushed it from her body and she was gone. I found myself holding mama without the ability to let go. It seemed like it was taking forever with the uncertainty of when ? But at four on Sunday I had them take everything off of her and place the pain pump on her and she died at 1:34 am. Her last words came days ago when she said I love you to my daddy. She has uttered words since but the last clear words she spoke were I love you to her boy. Her life can be summed up in those words. She lived 80+ years and the last 12 of those we were lucky, no...blessed to have her be part of our lives. The past 15 hours with her gave me one last burst of strength from the woman that gave birth to the most important man in my life. My daddy it turns out is not only the best daddy ever, second only to mike Baisden who is without a doubt the best father I have ever known, but my daddy is by far the best son I have ever known, second only to the son of god. I'm tired now...
 — at Linkous House Bed & Breakfast.







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Friday, January 13, 2012

My Mama Chris

She is stubborn and determined and beautiful and tired from her journey. She has the most beautiful skin I have ever seen on a woman. At 80+ years of age she is still a pretty thing to look at. Her hair is silver and her fingernails are perfect. The index finger on her right hand is so bent from use that it looks like the back leg of a puppy. I pray I never forget that crooked finger. 

She didn't raise my daddy. But she gave life to him. The 80 some odd years she has lived on this Earth she has never known the intimacy and true touch of a "loved one" until she met her boy. Some 50 years after having given birth to him she came back and gave him life !

I guess I look at her and my daddy like a fairy tale. They are so in love with one another. Not even the normal love of a mother and child who are always together but a love born into him and thru her so strong that it searched out the other for nearly 60 years until they found one another again.

I love my daddy the way that they love each other. She opens her eyes and she is helpless. Her body has done all that it came into the world to do. Her breathing is labored and short and today she had another stroke and seizures and physically she can't do much more. It's been a hard day for her. I'd almost say the hardest of her life but I know that the hardest day was the day that she had to give my daddy, her boy away all those years ago.

I don't know a lot about what her life was before but I do know with confidence that the last 12 years that she has lived in my daddy's house have been the happiest years of her life. 



She opens her beautiful eyes now...she...her....the person who lives inside the weak and fragile body that is on the outside....my Mama Chris peeks out those eyes and with what energy she has left she sees the doctors and nurses and me even and there is an empty look on her face that only changes at the moment that my father, her baby boy, comes into her line of sight.

Right at that moment you see more than a body laying there. You see her soul. You see Love. Love in its purest form. Love so deep that I believe she won't let go. She is holding on for one more kiss and one more "I love you, momma".

There are not droves of people to line the streets of belfry when she dies. I'm not sure we will have more than a single night at the funeral home or possibly in my home to honor her life she knows so few people. I reach my hand in to hold hers to satisfy my need to touch her and my need to feel comfort but I know that she is so not used to the touch of a hand beyond the hand of my daddy's love for her that it almost feels as if she can't understand why I am holding onto her.

I can hardly contain the buckets of tears when my daddy holds her and cries while thanking her for coming to live with him 12 years ago. Telling her, trying to tell her how much he loves her.

I am setting here wishing she would go on into the next place. Why ? Why doesn't she close her eyes and let go ? But I know that the reason is the very statement that I said at the start....she is stubborn and determined !!!! And beautiful !!!

And I will forever be her stubborn and determined granddaughter !








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Saturday, January 7, 2012

Another day with my daddy

Tonight as I walked out of the home that I was raised in I stopped to close the gate. The silhouette in the window was my daddy setting in his chair. I took a moment to watch the lights inside shine bright and ponder on his breath and the pounding of his heart. I could almost hear it from the driveway thru the walls of the house and down the path that he had shoveled only two days before when he had the heart attack.

It is no secret that I am a Daddy's girl. If you know me at all you know that I am. I can hardly make it thru a conversation with anyone about anything that I don't mention it. LOL

Two days ago the phone rang and the call sent me into panic. Your daddy had a heart attack. Those words didn't really register. What ? My daddy ? Panic !!! Fear !!! Terror !!! A Heart Attack ???




Since I was a little girl there has never been anything or anyone that I looked at with more love and respect and worship than I do my father. He has impressed on me a sense of everything that I consider in a man.

My father is strong. My father is brave. My father is Beautiful. My father is funny. My father is flirty. My father is Talented. My father is Handy. My father is Stubborn. My father is Determined. My father is so many things....

When my toilets break and I find myself with a wrench in my hand and I fix it I know that I am able because I am my fathers daughter. When I look at something and I need to repair it I look at it through my daddy's eyes and I figure it out because I have spent my whole life under his feet watching him and learning from him and I am handy because of him.

I have looked up the side of a mountain and known that It was more than I was able to climb and I went on  the journey anyway because I needed to stand at the top and look down and know that I can do anything I set my mind to because I am John Hackney's girl.

My daddy said to me at the hospital over and over again that I needed to go home. There is no need in me setting here doing nothing but looking at him he would say. My answer would be, Yes there is. I won't ever regret the minutes I spent with you. I will only regret the moments with you that I missed.

When I was a child my daddy was tough. He wasn't a perfect father. He worked more than he should have and he  made loads of mistakes. I never saw those. I just saw my daddy. The world. The Universe.

What will my life be when he is gone ? How will I survive ?

I stopped at the gate and I looked back at the house and I saw him there in the window where he belonged and I couldn't help but look to the sky and stand still in the cold brisk night and speak aloud a thank you to God. To the creator of this wonderful man. A thank you for the sound of his beating heart. A plea made once again for just another day with my daddy.

This hankie was given to me the day that I was baptized. Chuck May handed it to me as I walked into the creek at the mouth of Meathouse on March 29th, 1996.

It was carried by Gary when he was baptized September 27, 1996 and by our son Aaron when he was baptized on July 12, 1998.

My brother Dee carried it into the water when he was baptized on Jan 2, 2000 and My brother Tatar carried it into the water when he was baptized on April 30, 2000.

Gary carried it April 18, 1999 when he preached his first message and the night that Canada FWB Church voted to send him to be ordained November 18, 2000 he carried it and on his Ordination Day December 9, 2000.

Many Many times I had it anointed with oil and prayed over and carried it with me to the altar to beg God for the salvation of my daddy. I marked a spot on it and claimed in my mind that someday I would place it into Dads hands and he would carry it with him into the water to be baptized by Gary and Dee.

That is a dream that I still pray for. This hankie is certainly one of my most loved possessions and is kept in a fire safe where I hope to someday place it in the hands of my brothers children and Mikey for major events in their lives. I carried it the day that Aaron was married June 4, 2011.

The most remarkable thing about the hankie is that It was brand new when Chuck handed it to me. I will never forget him saying to me "Its a new one, I promise" Chuck has since passed away and I know the world is worse off because he is not in it :(

The wear that you see on the edges and the hole that you see in the folds and all of the tatter on it is not from 12 years of time. The moment that I climbed out of the water with it in my hands it looked that way. One might say that it sounds untrue but it is the case. It went in whole and new and came out this way. I need to have it framed flat and placed in the safe but only after I get to sign my Daddy's name to it the day that he is baptized.




Saturday, December 10, 2011

Don't Ever Tell Me I Can't Do Something !!!

On Wednesday December 7, 2011 I started with a personal trainer. My Goal is not huge. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I know, Im not a fat cow. LOL So don't say "Hey you are not fat !" I know I'm not a cow but for me I know that there is an awesome body of a 42 year old in there just waiting to make an appearance. LOL I want to live longer and while I am here Id like to be stronger. Stronger physically with my body and stronger mentally with my confidence in my body.

I have never been a girl who wears her bathing suit out to the beach. I had to study on if I wanted to post an actual photo of my body here. I asked my husband if he thought it was okay. He said, "Sure, I guess there won't be anymore than normal guys hitting on ya" He thinks I am beautiful already. (husbands usually do)  I think I have a two photos over my lifetime where I am in a full on bathing suit. One of those is posted here on my blog. Over the next year I am going to post one every couple weeks to this gallery.....No matter how bad it gets !!! LOL 

My cousin Christy is supposed to be on this journey with me and I am so calling her out now by saying...I told you I would post my photo because I am to bullheaded to say I am going to do it and then not if everyone is watching to see if I do :) 



I am a 23 year olds Mom and a 6 year olds mom. I am busy. I work hard at most everything I do and I tend to go overboard on anything new that I am loving. I have an addictive personality and I know it. I know that I can do this but I must admit that knowing that others are waiting to see me fail has always been a source of motivation in my life.  So the story of my doctor that follows is why I am on this crazy mission to have ABS ! Yes, Real life abs ! I am bound and determined to have them in 2012 :)

Working the first day with April seemed like a piece of cake while I was doing it but this morning when I woke up I realized that it was a very very hard. It was an amazing workout. My hips butt and thighs feel tired but nothing like my midsection. My abs are so sore I don't know how I will do more tomorrow.

I wanted a separate spot where I can keep the progress up of my "get fit" plan over the next 8 weeks -6 months -6 years :) So I figured a blog post was certainly in order. Most of my life has been an open book on this blog and I felt like this was something that others could relate to and maybe even be encouraged by.

The inspiration for the need to get the new abs is simple. I got a call from a Doctor about two months ago asking if I was interested in free "work" done on my body. It was for a test he needed to take to complete his training to start doing the procedures locally. He is an awesome Doctor. I love him to death. I was so excited. Id take off to Florida and have this form of sculpting lypo and Id have these abs built into me. My butt would be lifted back to its youthful position. It was wonderful sounding. I had to jump a flight and be there the next day due to scheduling. It was to be thousands and thousands of dollars if I had to pay for it. I felt like Id hit the lottery.

I jumped the flight down the next day and was so very excited to have this chance to do the reconstruction. I woke up at 3 am with that voice. You know the one. The DONT DO THIS voice. I called home and explained my fears to Mike and he and Mikey jumped a plane and we made a holiday out of the rest of the trip and spent a week in Key West.

Why didn't I do it ?

I didn't do it because there are no fast fixes that last forever. I got scared. What if I walked out of there looking amazing ! But then in 6 months of living the same lifestyle and eating the same way I always have what would it look like ? What about when I am older ? What about when I would gain 10 pounds ? What are the long term effects from such a thing ? I chickened out !!! 

The Doctor looked my body over and basically said that I couldn't do it myself or I would have already. LOL   Ahhhh, A challenge :) 

That was the breaking point. The point where I said, No...the Hackney in me said, "OH YES I CAN !!!" And the journey began. I hired an amazing personal trainer who has the body of some unreal alien chick ! LOL (seriously you should check out her body and the amazing determination that she has in life) I am so very inspired by her !!!


I have only gone for two workout sessions and I feel so inspired to become a more healthy version of me.

I now not only want to workout but I want to learn to eat properly and as she said to me "Fuel my life" Not just feed my face.

I have never been more sore in all of my life. Seriously, I had two kids by C-Section and had a hysterectomy and I was not as sore as I have been the past two days. It is WONDERFUL !!! I feel better today and I am sure that next Monday when I start my three day workout week with her I am going to feel like death again. LOL



I know that I owe her a huge thank you because I don't think that without her and her inspirational story of transformation of her own body and the balance that she has in her life that shines through so clearly when you are around her that I would do it. I know that I wouldn't begin to know how to make this change in my body without her !

Today I ate Oatmeal. Something Id never do. But I did it because she said that was the way to go. She is starting a new class in January for how to not diet but "Change your Lifestyle" and I am excited to go and learn more.

Mostly I can't wait to walk into my Doctors office and take my clothes off and say...

Don't ever tell me that I can't do something !!!!  I am a Hackney :) 

So....Let the story begin..........




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Saturday, June 4, 2011

My Sons Wedding Day

Today I am filled with Pride. It is the day that My Baby Boy will become a Husband. Eighteen words into the thought and my face is covered in tears.




The day that he was born my life changed. I have so many regrets and I look at his precious face today and I see nearly a mirror image of myself. He is MY SON. MY BABY BOY. He is MY HEART. I am forever addicted to him.

I was 18 and pregnant with him. I was married to a man at the time that I loved more than I have ever loved anything.
I will never forget the moment that my water broke. He was born on Jan 13th 1989 at about ten in the morning. I had gone in labor the night before and had not taken anything for pain because I was stubborn. I wanted so bad to see his body come from me and draw in the first breath of air and at the time as the child that I was I thought that I could watch every breath after.


(aaron & gary at my brother's wedding)

I had 21 hours of labor. I refused to take so much as a tylenol. I will never forget those hours. I will never forget Gary and his care during that time. It seemed to me looking back that there was no one there but us. He changed my bed. He held my hand and WE, the both of us, somehow magically made our way thru the night together. The Dr walked into the room and said, He is breach. We will do a C-Section. My heart sank and I knew that I was going to miss the moment his life would begin.



Later when I was still drugged, Gary laid my boy upon me and he took photos of him in my arms. I cherish those photos.

My life has not turned out how I thought that it would that day. His daddy and I divorced 17 years later. I will go to my grave with a respect and love for him because he is half of my baby boy. He is Half of what Aaron is. That deserves, No, It demands respect.


(me pregnant with aaron and with mikey)

I say to myself some days "what if" and the question has no answer. It only begs another question.

 I find myself setting here looking at the few photos that I managed to snag last night at practice for the wedding and I realize that this man that is standing before me has grown up OVER NIGHT ! It was yesterday when they laid him in my arms. Where did the time go ?


The little girl that he will marry today is so very young. I love her. I love that when I look across the room at her she looks at him the way I looked him the first time they laid him in my arms. I see that look and it makes me so happy.

I know that they are young. I know that life doesnt always end up like we want it too. I know that life is hard and we make mistakes and we wake up one day and look back and have regrets. I want to as his mother be able to spare him any of those lessons but I know that I cant. He must have his own life and he must enjoy and even have regret.

I watched Mikey last night running crazy and talking when he should have been still. I was upset with him. Im sure that today at the wedding he will do the same. I kept trying to stop him and say, "Mikey today is about bubby. Please you have to behave today." Crying on my way home in the jeep I kept thinking to myself that I will blink and it will be the day that Mikey is standing there with his wife. Life is so fast.


 
I know that I will cry today. Wait, I already am. LOL I know that I will steal away moments in my heart that I will record in my memory that I will never forget. And on days when I feel like I have failed I will drag those memories out in my mind and I will savor them.



My gift for her was meant to be a scrapbook of pages that over his life I have done. It is one of the hardest things for me to part with my photos. I find that my memory is not what it once was. I need those photos to look at on days and nights when I cant bring it up in my brain as clear as I want. I can hold them in my hands and relive the moments.

I pray today that God will swallow the two of them up in his love and guide them to never make the mistakes that I have made. I pray that one day they lay my grandchild in my arms and I have a chance to spoil it with my love. I pray that I can be to their child a better grandmother than I ever was mother to Aaron. I pray that he knows that I would lay down right now and have them draw the blood from my body and give it to him to save him if only for a day.

I pray that at some point during the day he looks across the room and he sees me there and he knows that I, his mother, LOVE him more than I am capable of telling him.

I love you Jacob Aaron. I love you ! I love you forever ! You will always be MY baby boy !

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Happy "Day in The grave" day :)

What did Christ carry with him before the throne of God that you no longer have to carry? Its nice that we dont have to remember. Its nice that even Jesus forgets the sins he died for.

As people we sometimes manage to forgive those who hurt us. But we always remember those sins. We know "well, I forgave him/her for this or that" But with Jesus, His forgiveness is amazing to me in that he NEVER throws back up to us our sin. Once he gives forgiveness He erases it as though it did not happen.

This is an overwhelming concept to me as a human & Sinner. How can this be ? One of the hardest things for me is the undersanding of Gods ability to Forgive me. I still remember what I did. I still know I am no good. I still am reminded of my sin. If no one else remembers, and they usually do, then I remember them myself and find it hard to forgive them or forget them. This is where Faith is such an important thing, I know.

I was ever aware yesterday that it was the day Jesus climbed up on the cross to die for my sins. All day I remembered. And tomorrow I am aware so much that the greatest thing in history took place! He got up from death victorious over death , hell and the grave !



“When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory."
“Where, O death, is your victory?
"Where, O death, is your sting?”
"The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”
Every year I think of today. What happened today. The time between his death and his reserection. Its the part that we think little of. This day ? The day between his amazing sacrifice and his almost unbelievable Reserrection ! I need to know more about the day in the middle....The grave day :(
“For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built.”

Peter says He went back and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed God. So many have thoughts on what this means. Some believe simply that He preached victory to the fallen angels who had been bound years before and some fuss that it means that some people were given a second chance at salvation. Its the part about the second chance that always grabs me.

I think to myself that God is powerful and has wrath in store for those who do not serve Him greater than any rage that we as mankind can understand. Wrath that I hope to avoid. But it is so like me, like us, to care if God in His wisdom would offer a "second chance" to others. How many times have I sinned against God ? How many times Have you ? I am eternally grateful that God does not remember, Or atleast that He is not keeping count.

If, He gave a second chance to some bound group of individuals from the past while He was "in the grave" it would only be further proof to me that He is the amazing, awesome, powerful, forgiving, worthy, God that I imagine Him to be.
I am not sure what the events of "this day" totally were. But I do know that the day in the middle, the grave day, had a purpose as great as the day He died and the day He was risen.

I will add this question to my list of questions that someday, I beg, I pray, I hope to get to ask a, MY, Risen Savior.

Happy "Day in the grave" day :)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I will Never be ready to lose my Daddy !

Tonight I am thinking of my daddy. I know that many times before I have said how much that this man means to me. But I need to say to him, to the universe, even to God  exactly how important he is in my life.

I plead with God for his life. Please keep him safe. Please do not take him yet. Please let me have another day with him.

There are always relationships in your life where you look back and say "I wish"  I say, "I wish I had not hurt my son Aaron & his father by leaving them". I say, "I wish I had been closer to my mama Alley".


I know that we all feel regrets in our lives in relationships.

But on the worst day with my daddy. The days where we stood toe to toe and told each other in no uncertain terms how mad we were at each other. The days when I wanted to just smack him and he wanted to smack me. Even on those days, I have NO REGRETS.  I know that Someday later, much later, many many, many, many, many years from now when I lose him, I wont regret my life as his daughter.




I know that at times when he is afraid and at times when he has a moment of weakness or pain or when he does not know what to do that I am who he will call. I am forever his girl. Forever my wonderful daddys baby girl. Nothing or no time or no distance or no single thing will or can ever change that when I stand beside him I am a child. I am his daughter. John Hackney's girl.

I hear the words as I type them and I can only hope that in my lifetime someone loves me the way that I love my daddy.

John Hackney is the most stubborn, most hard headed, most determined, most driven, most obtuse man that I have ever known. You can not tell him anything. He wont listen. LOL

He served in the Army during Vietnam and that service made me the proud American that I am today. I once stood at the Vietnam Veterans Wall and sobbed for those gone but praise God for my daddys life being saved so that I could have him.
During the time in the Army dad had hemorrhagic fever and at the time you just didnt live thru that. He was in a coma for over 100 days. Other than that, I dont know of many times in my life where dad had more than a cold. He has had a few accidents but to be sick, in my 41 years this was the first time that he said, I am sick and I need to go to the Hospital. It was somewhat of a shock to me.

I am so proud of him for that service. He gets up every day and he tends to his mother who has been ill for several years now and he scoops her up and does things for her that No Son should be asked to do. But he does them. In the room with him tonight when the doctor came in I stepped out for his exam and I couldnt help but to think that he has been so good to take on his mom and her care. If he were a daughter Id understand it better. But for a Son, A boy, it amazes me to see him nurse her. He is as tender hearted and loving as a man could ever be and so dang tough and Obstinate and Stubborn at the same time !


He is 64 years old and for as long as I live in my mind he will be 47. I close my eyes and I see his physical appearance and it is of a man that is only 6 years older than I am today. I am not ready for him to be 64. I am not prepared for him to grow old.

I know that I am not special. I know that I have pain and heartache in my life like others will but I just can not consider losing him.

Setting in Starters with Mikey & Mike and the cell phone rang. The some odd 20 miles between me & the voice of my tearful daddy seemed to be 100 miles instead. It took me only 8 minutes to drive that 20 miles to get to him and wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him so hard. I RAN from the building leaving Mikey & Mike set with no way home but to walk ! I know it sounds horrible but I just lept from my chair and forgot to even say to them anything. As I ran crying down the street in Williamson to my car I grabbed my telephone and called back to Mike to say, Im sorry, I have to go, My daddy needs me !!!
 (dont worry they both know I love them but a daddys girl is always a daddys girl)

He is okay. He is okay. The trip from the head of pond creek to the Pikeville Methodist Hospital was one where I came to the realiziation that things have changed for me and my daddy.

Every moment that I have lived I tilted my head back and looked up at him standing there and I felt a sense of joy at the sight of him. A sense of honor to say, Im John Hackneys kid. He is the smartest man I have ever known. He is why I am and Tatar & Dee are such hard workers. He is why we are so determined.
But tonight driving like a "bat out of hell" as the expression goes toward "home" to "my daddys house" to get to him it hit me that I will NEVER be ready for him to be gone.

All of my life I felt safe in his arms. If I had pain he was there. If I had joy he shared it. If I had a need he met it. The joy is in that I know that as he grows old I will get to be the safe place for him. I will feel his pain with him. I will share his life and if he has a need I pray that
 I will be there to meet it.



I will never be ready to lose him !!!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

In Search of Elk Antlers

The day began like any other. (fussing over this and that) We finished up with our normal morning of Bed & Breakfast tasks and determined that we must go in search of, No, Not a geocache, but Elk Antlers !

Now mind you that at several points during the day I thought to myself that it was crazy to be out going thru all that we did just to find Elk Antlers ! But I kept telling myself that for over 4 months and alot of miles across the country Mike has been patient while I was searching for geocaches and I tried to pretend to be excited.



Only moments from the house my little jeep began to steam up and smoke from under the hood. Yesterday the huge pot hole there as you leave CVS pharmacy was more than it could take. What was probably a crack in the radiator before this moment was now a full on hole ! The little cachemobile was down.  (Mikey & I inside calling for help) Repairs were made by Mike, the trusty husband who is not exactly what I would call "handy". One of the most intelligent men I have ever met. THE worlds greatest father. A fantastic salesman. A brilliant thinker. But "Handy" he just aint !!! lol

So with my looming reservations about repairs that he made himself already as the day began I made my usual nags. He insisted and within 5 miles of the house, The smoke came pouring out from under the hood. Pouring almost like the rain that was falling from the sky !!! The rain that I didnt want to be walking home in !!!

The fussing began about there. Lets turn back. Why must we continue I pleaded my side of the fight !

Out of the jeep standing in the rain, He scratched his head, looking at the steam coming from beneath the hood. He looked almost as if he understood something, anything, about what made the engine run ! Only again, "Handy"  he is NOT !!!

We had a fresh jug of radiator fluid that we put inside. The second jug that day. Why could this be happening ? If only we had a "real repairman" I fussed.

With my arms crossed and his stubborn determination now driving us we continued on into the distance. (I was very certain at this point that it was going to be an unpleasant day)

Mikey is now upset because the Ipad has lost its charge and we have driven long into Martin County on roads that were so wet and muddy that a four wheel drive jeep was buried up to its door panels in mud. Not only now are we once again sitting in a cloud of smoke from under the hood but we are MILES and MILES from anyone, the rain is pouring and we are stuck in a ditch of mud that he just slid us into !

Okay, first things first, We managed to work our way out of the ditchline and get ourselves turned around and heading in the right direction. We pulled over, raised the hood, let the rain fall on the engine to cool it down because now we are overheating. Standing there, with our heads wet and with mud up to the back of my knees, complaining about how "I TOLD YOU" we should have turned around !

Now at this point I have to tell you that my frustration didnt come from his lack of knowledge about how to repair the jeep. My frustration came from his inability to admit that he didnt know how to fix the jeep ! LOL

We again filled the radiator and he continued to drive further into the No Cell Service, No People, No Help Zone that we were in. 20 More miles and at the top of a mountain, we got out again to inspect the radiator and why it was loosing so much steam and overheating the jeep when we realized that he had not put the cap back on it when filling it with fluids !!! Ya know, Mr "Handy" had forgot to tighten the cap :) I just crossed my arms. I said calmly to him. "I dont mind the mistake. But what I mind is your inability to admit that you are not "Handy" !!! LOL

Now on the road with the radiator doing its job (atleast for the moment) we continued to search up hollers for elk. In a holler, Up a side road, back out, up another road, to this coal mine, then out and down another road, for hours. For 8 hours we searched for Elk.

And finally I reached over and said, STOP THE JEEP !!!!



There standing no more than a hundred yards away in the field off to the right was the most beautiful, the most proud, the largest dang beast of an animal. Easy, be very still and enjoy ! We did it. We found a herd of the most beautiful Elk.

He said to me, I will go around this ridge line and I will walk and move them up the ridge so you can see them. Now excited myself at the thought, Mikey standing in the seat looking out the "porthole" window we waited as he walked thru the field behind the massive herd of 13 Elk. None of them with antlers atop their heads. This is a good sign I thought to myself as he walked.

And then he did it. He bent over and off from two hundred foot away he smiled. I saw his body change. I saw the joy take over him. I saw him shrug his shoulders and come up with the most beautiful set of Elk antlers in his hands !



Excitement filled me as I jumped out and went toward him with the camera in hand. Most people live their whole lives and never walk in a field behind a herd of wild animals larger than my jeep. Most people are lucky to ever run into them and most people are certainly never going to bend down and pick up a freshly shed Elk antler. I was so proud of him. He got into the car and I insisted that he go look one more time incase there were more closeby  so we would have an extra one to gift to Pastor Chuck. No luck but we tried. The three of us now searching in the pouring rain for just one more antler !!!! lol

In the jeep now heading off the mountain I was going on and on about how proud I am of his find. Oh my Goodness I cant believe you found them. Most people will never ever find a set of Elk Antlers in the wild. I was bragging on him and praising him and felt such joy over his find. He was proud of himself and the jeep was running smoothly and we were smiling and laughing and enjoying our day. We even managed to find two geocaches while making our way back out. (always a good thing)

He said to me, Did you see how fast we went from fussing to praise. You never know what the day is going to be he said. We were driving and along side the road at that moment was a huge, bigger than Mikey, Blue teddy bear covered with flowers and crosses in a memorial made there by the road where someone had lost their lives in a car wreck.

I couldnt help but say, That person thought that they were going home. They thought that they were gonna live forever. Atleast they thought they were going further than the curve along side the highway.

Our days never seem to turn out like we think they will. Some days we fuss and some days we say things we dont really mean to say. Somedays we search for Elk Antlers and somedays we search for geocaches.

But today we learnt that sometimes you think you are going after one thing and you find another. I thought we might find antlers but it never crossed my mind until pulling in the driveway tonight that what we really found was a place where we agree. What we really found was a fun adventure. I have said many times to my friend Kelly that I would rather die out on an adventure than die sleeping in my bed.

What a wonderful day of fussing and breaking down and antler finding we had :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Alone with God

Sitting here on a high mountain al alone. Thats what I thought I was until moments ago when I realized the alone was so thick it became so silent that I could hear that God was near to me.

The mountain is still. Only the sound of distant cars and a single bird singing God's praises beside of me.

I cant help but sit here in the silence and reflect upon the past few days and how hard they have been. I cant help but to think of the lonliness of the world without others in it.

To feel loved or to know the touch of anothers hand is such a wonderful thing.

But there are moments in life like these. Here alone and still sitting on a rock atop a high mountain overlooking God's creation when I am thankful and joyous and like the little bird next to me I feel a need to sing out praise to God.

I dont think I am going to find the geocache I came in search of. But its ok. When I left home this morning I was searching for something and at this moment with the wind blowing gently against my face and a sense of peace about me I realize that I missed the cache but I found what I was looking for.

Im gonna climb down now. Smiling even without my smiley.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I love my brothers :)

Tonight I dont have alot to say about alot of things but I do feel the need to just say to the universe how much I love my brothers. I sat in the services tonight for my little cousin David Oliver and I was moved again by how many people were there to show sympathy for the Oliver & Alley Family's.


(little Dee in Kindergarten)

Davids life was short. It's not fair. It is unacceptable and not understandable at all to me how he can be gone. I do not know why or how this can be. My lists of questions about how God has allowed this to happen is so long.  I trust God. I accept God's Will but I am not able to say that I understand it. I dont understand it. I look at my cousins who have lost their brother and my heart wants to bust open with tears.


(My beautiful Cousin David and his baby girl)


(Tatar, Dee & Wendy)

I am so proud of my family. I looked at my cousin Kim and I was moved by how grown up she is and how beautiful a person she has become. I see my uncle Robert and my Aunt Pam and I feel a safety in just knowing they are there. They have always been there.



(The Oliver & Alley crew 2010)

I see all my Aunts and Uncles and their children and grandchildren and I am amazed at how many of us there are. I see the children of children of children all from my Grandma and Grandpa Alley and I miss them. I remember my mama and her fishing with us as kids and Phyllis & Dale and the kids and me and my brothers and mom and dad all playing on the creek bank at their feet. I find comfort in those memories. We go long periods without being together in a room but there is such a peace about moments of sorrow or joy and having all of us be there as a family.

I have made my mind up that I am going to get My Family, Tatar's Family, Dee's Family and we are going to do Photos of us all together. We must must must do a photo of all of us together while we are all here. I need to have that.


(My Tatar Bug)

I watched my Uncle Dale hold his boys and scoop up his grandbabies and watched his brothers and sisters rally to his side for strength at moments when he broke down and I was filled, overflowing, with love for him. I love to watch him with my brother Tatar and see their bond for one another. I love to hug my Uncle Dale and feel his strength and the power of his love for me even at moments when I am supposed to be helping him, he comforts me.


(Christy,Uncle Dale, Me, Uncle Robert & Austin at our last family gathering)

All I could think thru the whole night was how blessed that I am. All that I could think was how my skin aches at the mear thought of loosing my Tatar or my Dee. I have two brothers and I love them and am filled with pride over them and I know they are both very sick of hearing me say, "I love you" the past two days but every time I looked at them I had to say it. I just wanted to tackle them like when we were kids and set on them and say, pay attention to me, I want you to know this, Please do not ever forget this,
I LOVE YOU !!!!



(Wendy, Tatar, Dee)

I ache for Dale Lee, I ache for Danny, I ache for Missy, I ache for Libby, I ache for those babies who lost their beautiful daddy.

Missy said to me, "Wendy, promise me to tell Tatar and Dee you love them while you have them " and I know that both of them must have thought I lost it tonight when I just felt myself saying over and over to them, I love you. I love you. I love you Tatar. I love you Dee.

I dread tomorrow. Did I say that I love Tatar and Dee? Did I say I am proud of my brothers and their families ?

(Dee, Me & Tatar)

Did I say that I love them ?

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A day in my life :) A good day

I dont know where to begin. I woke up and I knew that it was going to be a great day. Most of us dont have days where its just all about "me" But today was that day for me. It was about my 1000 geocaching finds, even though I worked so super hard trying but couldnt get there just yet to make it to 2000 !



I dont know when I was happier than today in such a very long time.

I set out to find a cache that would make the day something I would never forget. Something special. I looked at doing the SBCP cache since it was him who got me "hooked" on this silly thing that I am so in love with but as I was driving that way, it hit me, the day would be perfect if only I could find that crazy cache that I had searched for at the top of the Moses Case turnoff at Sidney. Could I climb up that one again and with the ice and the snow against me on this run actually FIND the dang thing. So my jeep pulled off to the side of the road I took a large breath and sat out on the journey.

I found the climb this time to be much easier. I wasnt looking at the gps this time but just carefully making my way back to the spot where I knew it just had to be.


(Me & Mr Blue&Gray today)

I made it up to the top in no time it felt. I could hear myself outloud talking to Mr Blue&Gray. I was saying all sorts of things to him on this trip. I started to be angry with him before ever I got to the top ! Knowing in my heart that I was just NOT GOING TO FIND it ! But I wanted to try so here we are at the top, again.

I spent about an hour and a half at the top before I did the usual "phone a friend" and send out requests by email and text to every cacher I know who might be able to tell me just the size of the container that I was searching for ?!!! Is this another one of Mr Blue&Grays standard, tiny little micro hides ? Is there an ammo can up here that I am looking directly at and just cant see because I am too excited ?

The reply came from Jumpin Jack first, I dont know the size of the container he said ! Oh no !!!

Then SBCP came through. Breath he said. Just stop and think. You are there and you are too excited to find it. Slow down and use your "geosense" he said. I was setting on a large rock at the moment and I hung the phone up and said....Well I said some things to You know who....lol...that I cant repeat here...Then I looked all around me. Where is this thing. How can it be "that" size and me missing it ? UGH

I got up and walked to the center of the gap and let my gps think. Then I did what Spongebob had said. I took a breath and went to the direction that the gps said and then put it into my pocket and just started to look, search, frisk the area ! I can hear myself and wish only that someone else was there to have heard me, When I screamed in excitement at the sight of this container ! HA!!!!! MR BLUE&GRAY !

I hope that I never forget the smile that I felt across my face as I made the little happy walk out of the gap ! I called my geo friend, Brady, and shared the moment with him. I AM HERE and I DID IT ! lol

I called my husband and son and said Drive right now to Sidney and take a photo of me standing on top of this mountain ! Which he did but turns out he doesnt know how to work the camera so my pics from the top of the gap will have to do ! hehe

I left inside on of my pathtags and I took a toy girl figure which I thought was perfect for my geocaching junk jar so that everytime I pass it I will remember the day and how happy I felt in the success of the find.

Then we went to the 1k party being held for me in Pikeville at the Gattiland cache, that started my whole addiction to geocaching.

I will never forget that sciencecacher made the long journey down to spend a day with me. I just love you "Steve Briarpatch the Marshall Man" You are one of those "guests" for the B&B that make owning a B&B so very worth the trouble :) lol



Puddle Jumper it was so nice to meet you and I look forward to many many more events with you in the future.

Jumpin' Jack, I cant put to words how sweet you are. You act all tough but I already know you are a teddy bear. And I dont care what the guys tease ya and say,I know you are just a sweetie :)



Mtmanva2, It was fun to cache a minute or so with ya and I so enjoyed all your tales from the trails. I hope to find every single cache that you have out there just one at a time,I am tired of the push now I want to just cache and enjoy it. I will be searching for yours and enjoying them along the way.



Ky3, Wildcat Angel, CatAngel, I have enjoyed caching with you and meeting your family. Thanks so much for making the journey to the event and for all the fun :)

Wizard Austin and Granddad Brian thanks for coming on the trip with my buddy Steve :) It was so nice to meet you both and I hope that in the future we can do some real caching :) It seems a bit odd that I took you to two caches today and both were of all peoples.Blue&Grays ! lol One find out of two is okay I guess ! I am thankful now that someone besides me is gonna be able to say that there just was nothing under there !!! lol hehe



Chef, You may be the biggest teddy bear of them all. I love love love my pathtag. It is my very favorite pathtag so far ! It is adoreable, Just like you. "the lady" will ride with you anytime :)

DMFlyer, it is wonderful to finally meet you and I must say that I am totally impressed ! You are somewhat of a geo-king and I have signed alot of logs in crazy little spots and seen your name many times and I am so very thankful to finally meet you in person and say I know the man !



Kelfay97 &Vollyballgirl#1, You both know that I love you. Kelfay97, My life without you in it....well....I hope I never ever know what my life is like without my bestest buddy ever :) I love you girlie !


Innkeepermichaelj, thank you ! Thank you for being the cachers husband. The guy who just gets stuck jumping on airplanes and flying off to far away lands to cache even though you really do not enjoy it :) (he says he does but he realllly doesnt, he is just going along with me as usual)



littlemikey2, I am sorry that mommy has been so crazy this past three months. LOL I hope that I have given you a lifetime geocaching hobby. I hope that (once mommy gets all the logs in) You enjoy your brag at school that you are ranked in the top 40 geocachers in the state of WV :) Mommy loves you !!!!!!!!



Mr. Blue&Gray, I seen you from afar today and I knew that you were sorta kinda thinking...is she going to hug me or hang me ! I told you today and I will say it again.....I have shared every find with you. I think of you,I curse you, I bless you, I talk to you like a crazy person when you cant hear a word that I am saying, I say prayers for you even if they are sometimes not nice but I repented all of those today when standing at the top of the gap #4 and holding that crazy cache in my hand, giggling like a silly fool without another person around, screaming to the top of my lungs......HA ! TAKE THAT MR BLUE&GRAY !!! LOL You keep hiding them, please, and I promise to keep searching for them. Of coarse you dont really even need to hide anymore because I may never find the ones you have out there already ! hehe My family was happy to meet you. Your name is spoken in this house pretty much on a daily basis. They were glad to put a face with the name.




And Finally, To SBCP, I cant think of what to say to you....how do I tell you what I want you to know ? YOU are the reason that this madness has came into my life. YOU are the reason that I cant stop ! YOU & That Gattiland cache made my life crazy ! It was appropriate that we held the event there at that cache ! I just love you for bringing this into my life :) Logs are fun with you. Going out in search of the next cache is fun because of you. You have inspired me in so many ways that I cant put here in words. I remember thinking....SBCP is a geocaching GOD ! ( I have since met Brady who has 21,000 finds and now I know that you are just a "menion" as Mikey would say) But to me, I will ALWAYS tell the story of how I found that silly string (which Kandis dropped down into the pipe, oops) (needs repairs) on the Gattiland cache and how I walked away from there knowing that My life was never going to be the same. I would always be looking for another one of those moments of joy that I found right then when I pulled it up out of its hidin' spot and went....Gosh he is clever ! You have become my "wing" man when I cant find them and I appologize for the many "phone a friend" moments that I have had with you at you know who's caches ! lol You make me wish I were a boy ! Then I could just jump in the car and go caching with ya and no one would think it was not okay ! hehe Thank you is all that I can think to say ! Just thank you :)



To everyone....just thank you for the wonderful day and for how tired I feel right now. The feeling of a task complete. The feeling of happiness.

Life last year was horrible. Some of you were there for that. This feeling of joy is not a feeling that I remember having many times over the past year and I must admit....I like it :)

I later cached with my new found friends and the ones that have been with me for a while. I even searched for a Mr Blue&Gray cache that I couldnt find ! LOL

I will lay my head on my pillow tonight and feel joy and happiness. I like it.







Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A little thank you to the Big Sandy Area Geocachers :)

Hey guys, (The Members of the Big Sandy Area Geocachers Club)


 


I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, I mean to tell you ALL that I have cried, like the girl that I am over the event page in my honor for my 1000th find. I was logging in some finds from today just now and using the map to retrace my tracks when over there out the corner of my eye I saw a new event and clicked on it to find what you have done ! I know who you are and I will promptly wrap my arms around you (both) and hug your necks when I do attend this event on the 22nd. Each of the boys that I have had the honor to meet have touched me in different ways.





I have said more than once in the past couple of months since starting this caching thing that I have a love/hate relationship with each of you. Some of your caches (Spongebob's Gattiland cache and Blue&Gray's Stupid Gap #4) are the reason that I can NOT focus and can NOT stop searching for the next one !

(I have a good little record going now with police muggle stops)

On days like today when I went in search of "respect your elders, by SBCP" I am literally moved with excitement and as I said to Spongebob, Filled with respect for "my elder cachers" This cache to me was so cleverly done and the moment I discovered it I felt a little tingle of excitement and a smile came over me that I couldnt stop. The same smile that I had the day I fished out Gattiland and the day that I climbed to the top of the Moses Case cut through with the Blue&Gray.

 (lights out where I discovered my need for a jeep)

 (my family enjoying the hunt for the Gattiland cache)

(flat stanley)

The kindness of each of the men that make up this club has overwhelmed me today. Pikeville Cacher, Cachemaster Yoda have been very kind and Its been an honor to play this game with you. And of coarse Ky Trio who helped me to hurry late the night before the run to Nevada to gather up the needed info to plan the trip. I didnt even know how to do a Pocket Quiery for heaven sakes without him or how to cache along a route. Thanks Mike.

(the boots)
Some of your caches I have yet to stumble upon (jumpin'jack) but I am excited to reach and know that I WILL get to them. Then there is ones like Mr Blue&Gray...sweet Mr Blue&Gray...lol...who hides caches that I know were hidden long ago without me even in his mind when he hid them but when I am on the hunt for them its almost as though we are on a date. (lol) I spend the entire time searching and usually not finding them and thinking about him and what moved him to be so rotten !

(the Alien Highway)

I Go looking for Chef's and I think of him and how sweet he was the first moment I met him and he said..."Boys you can jump in the back of the truck and the lady can ride up here with me" (hehe)



I have had conversations with each of you in person, over facebook, on the phone and in my head (sometimes even out loud) while on the side of rock cliffs and in pipes with rats chasing me and I am always thankful for the moment that I fished out that Gattiland cache and became "hooked" to this sport.



Thank you boys for this little honor. I told SBCP the day that I met him that I would for sure someday set across the table from him and say that I was just one ahead of him and I swear to you all I wont stop til I am !!!!! LOL Then I heard mention of the ammo can and I must confess the SBCP personal coin promised me at 1000 caches and within hours I was on a plane to Nevada ! Patience is not a virtue that most of us girls have and once I knew it was there I had no choice but to have it for my very own ! My husband offered to purchase one immediately for me in order to avoid the flight and expense and wear and tear on his back needed to accomplish the task of gathering the alien highway series but that was not going to do ! I needed the Big Sandy Area Geocachers Golden Ammo Can and once it is mine I am not sure what I will do with it but I assure you that I will ALWAYS have it and every time that I look at it I will think of the boys in the back of that truck the day I met you and I will smile



Geocaching has brought to my life more people than I can possibly mention here. Jumpin' Jack said to me on facebook yesterday that "its not about the numbers" and tonight I am clear that he is correct ! "It" is NOT about the numbers. "It" is about how I feel right now. "It" is about the Honor of the game and the pride in the find.



Tonight I am filled with Honor and Pride over my finding you all :)



(the alien, Curtis)
(me) *thinking to myself, Golden Ammo Can !!!!!

-Wendy


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